I’ve written a few posts for my blog since my last journal entry but I decided against publishing them as they were more political and I’m still not happy with them. I need to tone them down somewhat before I can publish them, lest they attract trolls.
Apart from that the last 5 weeks have been an interesting mix of family and friends visiting, preparing for my daughter’s 5th birthday party, caring for sick children, emptying out boxes and de-cluttering, general housework, and taking a couple of hours for myself here and there to read for pleasure- history of course! I’ve allowed myself to work at a slower pace in order to de-stress from the hectic semester I’ve had. I can see an improvement in my health already which I’m very pleased with. I’ve had a hard time with sleep all year because as my baby gets sick frequently she wakes during the night a few times and eventually it became a habit. This was taking a bad toll on me. But now, due to my continued tweaking, she’s now only waking once at night…..generally….I hope……don’t want to jinx myself!
Now that I’m usually getting a good night’s sleep I feel so much better. I’m calmer and my thought processes don’t feel frenetic anymore. I had made so many small mistakes during the first half of this year – misinterpreting messages, making false assumptions, forgetting important documents to complete & send off or bills to be paid – I was feeling rather hopeless at times, like I couldn’t do anything right. And I think it affected my study a bit as well but in the end it didn’t matter as my overall mark was still good thanks to my last assignment and my long weekly online tutorial answers. Since I’ve been getting a good night’s sleep the mistakes have stopped, no surprise there!
I also had my nanny come back one day last week and will come again this week too and then we start a new routine for the semester next week. I’m looking forward to using these last two weeks of uni holidays to tackle some long overdue projects at home because I can see next summer is going to be a write-off! I will also keep up with my reading – it’s been re-awakening my passion that’s laid dormant for the past 7 months since I gave up on my dream of ever being an academic. I’ve been learning to live in the moment, which I’ve never done before! It’s freeing not having any firm plans for my future now. Life now seems full of possibilities and I’m coming up with some left-field ideas and leaving them open so I can focus on the here and now. I don’t know where this journey is going to take me and I’m okay with that….I think. I love the idea of living life on ‘the road less travelled’. Some days I feel very lost and despondent, partly because some days just feel so hard when you’re child rearing, but recently I’ve started to see life becoming easier as my baby is nearing her first birthday and I’m able to give away yet more baby stuff. I feel the need to simplify my life as much as possible. Every six months I try to go through a purge of my things. I’m never as brave as I’d like to be but with each purge I feel things are getting lighter and less burdensome.
I’m looking forward to spending some weekends exploring parts of Brisbane with my family and to work out my new week-to-week routine and see if I can hopefully gain some of the balance back in my life. I really want my health to improve as the whole family benefits when I’m feeling well and that’s only going to come with me spending some time on my body and my mind. I’m much more optimistic these days than I was a month ago and I’m actually getting excited for the next 6 months of my life! Who knows what’ll happen next!